‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ Ep. 15 Recap: RuPaul-a-Paruza

Look, I like watching lip syncs. You probably like watching lip syncs too! That’s, like, half the point of watching this show. This episode provided that — and not much else. It was a fine hour of TV but not particularly interesting or well produced.

Previous lip-sync “LaLaPaRuZa” reunions served to complete story lines for queens like Morphine, Megami, and Suzie Toot by allowing them to clean up their unfinished business. In Morphine’s case, she finally earned the win she was craving. Megami got to prove she was fierce, not just mopey. Suzie got to show versatility and sexiness after bombing the Vegas challenge. All really good, interesting stuff. This week … Juicy got to show she was good at lip-syncing. And I’ll be brave enough to say I already felt pretty confident that Juicy was good at lip-syncing. There just isn’t much there.

Randomly, the biggest character in the reunion portion ends up being Ciara. She’s pissed about how she went out, and the queens are annoyed and unapologetic. Jane then calls her out for the scraps-of-fabric thing, which would be a lot more potent if she didn’t literally win the challenge. Ciara cannot hold the episode on her back and, for the person who was the sole focus of much of the plotwork, ends up going out pretty early. The person who should have the unfinished-story-line gripe is Jane, who would ideally be back with a vengeance. Unfortunately, Jane walks in having accepted she will not win this because Juicy and Mia are there and thus does not really try that hard. Instead, we just sit with the girls who we know are good at this and are doing well.

And, honestly, even that could have been more fun. I’m not sure what happened to the budget this season, but for some reason, all the songs are RuPaul songs. Look, I don’t hate all Ru songs (I’m not a monster who can deny the appeal of “A.S.M.R Lover”), but they’re also kind of same-y, same-y and not exactly amazing. In previous seasons, we got to see Q in a wildly inappropriate outfit and have to lip-sync to Janet Jackson, or Crystal Envy have to do a Sylvester song, or Mirage have to do a Nicki rap after botching words earlier in the season. That’s part of the fun. None of these queens are doing these songs in their regular act, which means lower stakes. Okay, enough complaining. Let’s get to the lip syncs.

Ciara Myst vs. Athena Dion
The first lip sync is between two of the bigger personalities of the season. Ciara chooses Athena because she knows Athena will choose “Born Naked,” which she does. Ciara is in a look inspired by The Substance, a movie that most gay guys liked a lot more than I did. (Sue me — I celebrated when Mikey Madison won the Oscar.) Athena looks fine. Neither girl sets the world on fire. I’d have gone for Athena for the win, but Ru chooses Ciara. It’s a matter of taste between equally fine performances.

Mia Starr vs. Mandy Mango
Mia goes against Mandy over the much less threatening DD or Vita for some reason. Mandy chooses the wordy “Just What They Want.” They both know the words. Mandy does some impressively energetic noguing, but Mia is simply a better dancer. She moves on.

DD Fuego vs. Vita VonTesse Starr
The final two of the first-seeded group are DD and Vita, who lip-sync to “Main Event.” DD does more, but Vita connects to the song better. Neither of these two is necessarily a lip-sync assassin. DD has some reveals, but she was also initially wearing a giant ball of tulle, so that wasn’t exactly shocking. Vita is stunning and in a better outfit, and her composure wins her the lip sync.

Vita vs. Mia
Vita, after making it to round two by the skin of her teeth, chooses Mia to go against in the second round, perhaps looking to bow out gracefully. Mia sticks to her strategy of “wordy” songs and goes for “Call Me Mother.” Vita knows approximately 80 percent of the words. Mia knows all of them. She deservedly wins it.

Kenya Pleaser vs. Ciara
Kenya gets to choose her opponent and goes for Ciara. Ciara chooses “Pretty Gang,” perhaps because this is a rap song and she is remembering that Kenya has a lot of trouble with words. But what she may not remember is that RuPaul regularly lets Kenya win lip syncs without knowing the words anyway. Kenya misses a bunch of words in this, but she’s also ten times more entertaining than Ciara, so they let her win anyway. Is that fair? Uhh … probably not, but I was fine with bonking the sour Ciara anyway.

Jane Don’t vs. Discord Addams
Jane and Discord are the final lip sync of the second round. For comedy’s sake, given Discord’s walk, Jane goes for “Sissy That Walk.” Fun! Discord can’t really move, but she puts up a fight. It’s a risk to give Discord this song because she has the ability to simply walk when RuPaul says “walk” and suddenly have the room laughing. Jane has the smarts to know that if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. She does the Discord walk with Discord, effectively deflating her walk’s potency. Plus she’s just a better mover. This is the best lip sync so far, and it rightly goes to Jane.

Jane vs. Juicy
In the final four, Jane is in a tough spot. Her ball gets picked, and she realizes she will either go against Kenya or Mia to the ass-shaking song “Peanut Butter” or Miami’s dancing doll Juicy to “Cha Cha Bitch.” Her likeliest route to the finale was probably through Kenya, but it was definitely not guaranteed, and I don’t think Jane wanted to shake her ass. She chooses Juicy, knowing she will lose. And lose she does! Jane tries to give it a bit of meta humor, milking laughs from throwing money at Juicy and doing little jazz hands. That might work if Juicy weren’t so good. Gone is the dreary Juicy from last week’s lip sync versus Nini. This girl is ready to FIGHT. She does a reveal by flipping upside down so her dress comes off? It’s amazing. Never seen anything like it. Total slam dunk.

Kenya vs. Mia
Kenya and Mia then lip-sync to “Peanut Butter.” I kind of think Kenya wins it. Mia does a great job, but her dance style is so signature that it sometimes feels as if she doesn’t adapt to the songs. Kenya is totally in the “Peanut Butter” mode, and she has a lot of great ideas about ponytails. Ru disagrees and gives the win to Mia. Not mad at it! Plus it gives us a Juicy-versus-Mia rematch, which is clearly for the best.

Juicy vs. Mia
It comes down to the girls we all knew it would: Juicy and Mia are lip-syncing to “Cover Girl.” They both do a good job! They have a little choreographed moment in which they simultaneously ease on down the runway, which is very cute. Mia does a good job, particularly as someone on her fourth lip sync of the night. That’s crazy! But the truth is that Juicy eats her lunch. Juicy is one of the best, if not the best, lip-syncers ever on the show. She vogues, she splits, she dips, she has fun, and she’s embodying the music. It’s not really a competition. Juicy wins and it is right. Is it surprising? Not really! But that’s what happens when you cast Juicy Love Dion on your season: She wins lip syncs. And good on her for it.