What Are Your Hyper-Specific Love Languages?

Whenever my dad comes to visit…

…he will always disappear at some point over the weekend. I’ll look around the house and ask the boys, “Where’s Opa?” before realizing with a forehead slap that he’s either downstairs fixing a broken lamp or shower drain, or outside washing our car and filling it with gas.

My dad’s love language is acts of service, and his hyper-specific version is fixing up his kids’ stuff. Sometimes my sister and I will text each other a photo of him doing that, along with the teary emoji 🥹. We always feel very moved!

The five love languages in pop psychology, as you probably know, are:

* words of affirmation (saying sweet things, telling someone you love them)
* acts of service (making dinner, hanging with kids while they sleep in)
* quality time
* physical touch (snuggling, shoulder rubs, holding hands)
* gifts (meaningful things, they don’t have to be expensive!)

What are your love languages, if you had to pick one or two? And, even more specificially, how do you show your love languages in your own personal ways?

For example, Anton LOVES a bedtime cuddle (physical touch), while Toby always wants to chat before falling asleep (quality time). Even when he was little, and I’d ask if he wanted a story or song, Toby would say, “Mama, let’s just talk.”

Meanwhile, I’m a big sucker for words of affirmation — write me a love letter and I’ll be yours forever. But my sister once wrote out a list of things she loved about her husband, and he could barely read it; all that affectionate attention made him squirmy. Instead, he teared up when she randomly picked up his dry-cleaned suits: “Omg, you love me,” he exclaimed, after spotting them in the closet (acts of service!).

My friend Nikki has helped me pick out first-date outfits. “Styling my friends is my distinct love language,” she told me. “Overall, I’m definitely acts of service — I get a high off helping people. When someone has a baby, that’s when I am at my peak.”

My dad’s other love language is making sure we’re fully stocked with European cereals.

What about you? Do you love making someone an epic tuna melt? Do you feel adored when presented with a bouquet of bodega flowers? Are you happiest when your legs are draped over someone’s lap on the sofa? Tell me your specific love languages below!

P.S. My sister’s awesome dating tip and lesser known love languages.

142 COMMENTS